The Oxford English Dictionary was my first encounter with the word Oxford as a primary school kid. It was the prominent brand name on English lexicons and geometry sets. As a curious learner, my mind made an association, connecting Oxford with the fundamentals of education – arithmetic and language.
Later, I learnt that the university’s motto is derived from one of my favourite verses in the Hebrew Scriptures, “The Lord is my light…” (Psalm 27:1). As a person of faith, I was delighted to hear about the Christian roots of this world-class institution. Indeed, it was a place where the of sciences and theology were taught in conjunction with each other. Rather than competing or conflicting the dynamic was of complementing each other, almost illuminating the other disciplines. What I did not know is that I would have the opportunity of stepping into its corridors as a postgraduate student.
Beyond that, it also did not occur to me that wherever there is light, there is also darkness. The presence of illumination translates to the existence of a shadow.
Settling Into the Shadow
This shadow became apparent to me during the AfOx Scholars orientation when we participated in a journey through the historic city aptly named Uncomfortable Oxford. The tour guide exposed historical tensions between the town and gown, also highlighting contemporary issues of exclusion and inclusion that may not feature in popular perception.
We see shadow rather visibly in the often-grey skies that greet Oxonians every morning. The shadow is felt in the windy breeze of autumn (the colourful leaves are epic!), the wet downpours on a random day, and the biting cold of winter. As one experiencing winter for the first time, this shadow is real. I am, a sunny-disposition, glass half-full, optimist type of guy – yet even with my joyful reserves, I have had moments where it appeared that the shadow was clouding all light. I cannot forget my day one experience arriving in Oxford.
I was greeted by a heavy downpour. No umbrella, looking for pillows, house shopping, and dinner. My wife was right about the UK and its temperamental weather.
How about the voice of shadow whispering in the student’s soul as a persuasive inner critic alias imposter syndrome casting aspersions on your presence? There can be immense pressure to prove oneself or speak with sage-like gravitas and profundity!
The blogosphere is not sufficient to account for how the shadow grips into the pockets in the form of shocking currency conversions! I stopped doing the conversions.
Envisioning A Light, Re-Defining Oxford
For the avoidance of doubt, I love my Oxford odyssey and feel deep-seated gratitude for this opportunity. I am also aware that not everything fits into neat dualistic categories.
I am compelled to draw back to the word of God and notions of light in darkness, lightness in shadows and the light in me. With a growth mindset, I am taking in the city like a fresh glass of water in a desert and as much as I thirst for joy, I am never in drought for purpose. I am at Oxford for a reason and have no fear of reshaping its meaning to suit the black, African pastor’s determination for truth and joy.
So, moving forward, I celebrate the lights, confront the darkness, and cultivate curiosity for every in between experience. The Oxford experience obviously transcends the disciplines of math and English; it is a richly nuanced place where statistics and stories can be reframed. It is my aspiration that the gleanings here will translate to reimagining many narratives, including uncomfortable portrayals of our of the so-called dark continent.
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